i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
