We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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