btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i dont even know how to be here
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
