So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
