I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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