sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
