that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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