Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
