Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
