he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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