You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
