not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
