there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Randomize
