Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
