Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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