Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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