just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
