My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
