You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
