Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
handjob tips. give me some.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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