Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
