I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
