The maid of honor just puked.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
