I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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