O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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