I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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