I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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