Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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