Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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