I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
