Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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