I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
