I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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