I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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