It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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