We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Someone signed my nipple.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
