when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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