bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
