if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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