WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
