Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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