Can i not drive my cunt home
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
