Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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