I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
