chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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