I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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