I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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