There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
