The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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