I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just threw up on my dentist
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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